wanna go halves on a baby?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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