Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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