This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
