Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
