Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
