maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
