We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He did a backflip because drugs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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