Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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