my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
