dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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