That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
