how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
