Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
