Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
even my farts smell like vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
