Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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