in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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