listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
