I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
