so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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