so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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