Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
