I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
