it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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