Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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