Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
