based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize