I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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