There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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