two words: eviction party
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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