ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
