Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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