its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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