she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
third nipple confirmed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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