Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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