like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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