Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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