ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
