I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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