No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
