Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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