I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
