It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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