Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
