Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
