I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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