My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
