I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
