my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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