just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
