Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MIDGETS
????
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
