***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
