Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
