i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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