i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
