I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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