Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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