I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
