hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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