I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
