you turned your livingroom into a bong?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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