I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
