soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
