so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
