got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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