The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
