I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
