Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
