Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They have beer where we have blood.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
