Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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