I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
