I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
