I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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