I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
