I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
