I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
