Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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