The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's get the cat blown out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
