so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
