no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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