im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Success! We fucked roommates!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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