are you so shy because you have an std?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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