so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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