I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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